It's all coming back to us
by nawelkay
Summary: 'You were the love of my life Dan.. I don't know I guess I just thought I was yours too'
1. Prologue

_A/N : Hi everyone ! :). I'm coming with my first Derena story. I'm not very sure about where I'm going as it's just the beggining, but I'm working on it :p. The story is related with what happened in the tv show, like all happened on screen, happened too in my story. _

_Anyway, here's the prologue ! Enjoy :).  
_

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**2012**

Daniel Humphrey was sitting at his computer, working on some essay he had started days ago. "All done'' he exclaimed when typing the last point.

It took him a moment to remember he was alone. ALL alone. His sister had left home years ago, minding her own business at her fashion school. It was not far at all from New York, but she was so busy and seeing her once a month was already an achievement.

His dad, tired of the stressful and problems-bringing city, had left one month ago for Africa, after a painful divorce affair. He needed 'to experience real life, not all this drama and pretending', as he said.

So there was Dan, in his flat in Brooklyn. After two years of studying drama arts at university, he decided to give it up to dedicate all his time to writing. Those were hard times, but it was his passion after all. It wasn't enough to pay the bills though, so he had a half-time job as a waiter, in a Manhattan café.

Dan looked-up at his watch. 'Dammit, 3pm already.' He grabbed his black jacket, checked out his curly hair, and rushed out. His work usually started at 3:15, and he was to stay until 10. But he couldn't complain, it was already a miracle that he has had this opportunity.

'Hey Mary !' he screamed at her employer when entering the little café. She was obviously busy with some paper work, and so focused that she didn't even seem to notice Dan.

He grabbed his apron, ready to welcome clients. It was a monday afternoon, so nobody showed up until 5 pm. As he was doing the washing-up, in order not to die of boredom, he heard the door opening, quickly followed by a voice saying 'hi?'. A woman's voice. A familiar voice. Dan couldn't believe is ears. She had left after all, hadn't she ? Telling himself that he was imagining things, he left the kitchen for the main room.

All he saw first was blond curly hair, and high-heels. The woman was on the phone, staring at the outside. She hung up, then turned back, and Dan's heart skipped a beat.

'Serena.'

At the sigh of this face, it felt like all the past was hitting him all of a sudden; the last time they met, the first time they kissed, all the promises, all the disappointments, everything.

Serena couldn't believe her eyes. She stood still, staring at Dan's face, her mouth half-opened.

'I thought..I thought you were gone. You said you'd never come back. You gave up on me.' he was shaking. The thought of all he went through the last two years, because of her, was making him so weak at the moment. Did she believe she could just show-up like nothing happened ?

Serena was still not talking. He saw her eyes filling with tears.

'Dan...'

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_A/N : Let me know what you think ! :)_


	2. Chapter 1

_A/N : Hi everyone ! :). So__ finally__, the first chapter is here (after the prologue I mean). Sorry I took quite a long time but you know, school, homework to do.. _

_Anyway, thank you so much for your reviews ! :)_

_So we're back three years ago. Season 5 has ended, after the whole Derena/Blair thing, and that's what comes after(well in my story :p)._

_Enjoy ! _

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**September 2009**

10 am. Dan was cooking breakfast for him and his still asleep father. This summer had been so lame, possibly the worst ever. No news of Blair who's left him for Chuck, couldn't help but think about Serena, no matter how much he hated her. Nate wasn't in town, and he'd felt more alone that ever. Thanks god, it was now over, and things would get better, _hopefully_.

He was laying the table when someone knocked at the flat door. 'Dad, it's probably Lil !' No answer. He went and unlocked the door.

'**Hey**'. The sun had made her hair blonder, she had lost weight, and seemed to have went throught so much, but there she was, Serena.

Dan shut the door right away. '**Just go**' he shouted throught the door. He had no idea why he was feeling so angry. No actually, he knew exactly why. And seeing her again was just too much.

'**Dan please. I need to talk to you. Please. I'm not leaving okay. I can sleep here. I don't care. Please**'

So she wouldn't leave. He could listen to her lies for a few minutes, after all. He opened the door, letting her walk in.

'**Be quick please**'  
'**Dan, I'm so sorry. I hate that you hate me. I can't keep on that way. I just can't'**

_Oh, and she was going to cry and complain, even better,_ he thought.

**'Your fault, not mine, right ?**' he knew he was behaving like a kid, but couldn't help.  
'**Dan.. I apologise and everything, but.. She was my best friend, ok ? Why her, why ? You were the only thing I was proud of. Our relationship. Us. You were the best thing I've ever had. It made me feel special. And then you go, and spoil everything falling in love with Blair. More than you've ever been with me. Do you even have an idea of how much this hurted me ? You destroyed everything, Dan, including me.'**

And for the first time, Dan realized that he had behaved wrong. All this time, he was blaming it all on Serena, but her tone, the look in her eyes.. he had broke her into pieces. But she, acted like a total bitch. And how was he supposed to avoid falling in love with Blair ?

She kept on : **'I couldn't stop me from loving you. I couldn't stand seeing you with Blair. I wanted you back. I would have done everything. So did I. I realize how wrong I was, now. But you kissed me back.. You slept with me. This doesn't mean anything ?'**

**'I thought we could have another chance. I was lost, Blair had left. You were there. I was drunk. You used me. So no, it doesn't mean anything. Did you really think, coming here, that I would forgive you, then we would kiss and be a couple, like really ? I'm sorry for hurting you, so sorry, I should've known it wasn't right. But you did worse, okay ? Maybe I don't hate you, I don't know. I don't know if I forgive you neither. But the one thing I know, is that we're over, for good.'**

He looked at her in the eyes, deeply. He wanted her to understand. He was free. He couldn't ever kiss her again. Their time had gone.

**'Don't say that, please, Dan.'**  
**'It's the truth.'**

He saw tears streaming down her face. She was shaking. He could see she was so close to collapse. He tried and grabbed her hand.

**'Don't.'**

And without a word, she left. With no turning back. He saw a last stray of blond hair disappearing, the sound of her last steps, and she was gone.

Dan felt even worse than before. He knew how much his last words hurted her, but she had to understand. What else could have he done ? It was the right choice, he was sure about it. They were over.

_In the afternoon_

**'Hey bro, I was wondering, you're back in town ?'**

_They had always been good friends, after all_, thought Dan. Him and Nate, they were like brothers. Or at least, they had been, at a point.

**'Dan ! It's been ages ! Yes actually I landed yesterday. Wanna hang out ?''Totally. And talk, also. This is so girl-ish, but really, I just feel like I'm gonna explode.'**

So 1 hour later, the two of them were walking around Central Park, just like the good old days.

**'I don't even understand her anymore. She's gone crazy I'm telling you. Like she's gonna ruin her whole life if she keep on that way.'**

Dan had told him the whole Serena thing. He was feeling so relieved, now there was somebody to listen to his struggling.

**'I know right, she came at mine yesterday, and you should have seen her. She wasn't making any sense. I'm quite sure she's doing drugs. And not the party kind of drugs. She's a mess.'**  
He saw Dan frowning.  
**'I'm not blaming you for anything of course!'** he added straight away. **'Serena and Blair, they've got this thing to always find themselves in the most shitty situations.**

**'I guess.. I just hope she'll try and make efforts, and..'**

**'Oh sorry, someone's calling.. ****_Yes_**** ?'**  
Nate peaceful face took an horrified expression. He nearly chocked trying to articulate :  
**_'Oh my goodness. Sure I'm-I'm coming'_**  
**'What's wrong ? Nate ! What happened !'** Dan was freaking out. Nate didn't answer straight away. It took him a moment to face Dan and it felt like the world had falling into pieces.

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_A/N : I know I'm awful to leave you guys on this, but you'll know everything next chaper :p._

_Let me know what you think :) x_


	3. Chapter 2

_A/N : Hi guys! Sorry I've made you wait so long :/._

_Anyway, thank you so much for your lovely reviews, and here's the new chapter!:)_

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*BIP BIP BIP BIP BIP*

The sound of the of Serena's heartbeats, amplified by the tensionmeter, was the only thing breaking the silence of the hospital room. Dan was sitting next to the bed, staring at the girl asleep in it. Serena's hair was spilt all over the pillow, igniting her still very pale face.

Dan had been here all night, waiting, for God only knows what. Serena obviously didn't need him when sleeping, but something was keeping him from leaving. After saying goodnight to her the night before, he reached the door, then turned back. He just couldn't let her there, alone. He needed to be close to her. Especially after what had happened.

After the phone call, Nate and Dan had rushed to the hospital, nearly had four car crashes, and finally arrived. Then the woman in white had come meeting them, and had told them everything.

How Lily, Serena's mum, had found her lying on the floor, unconscious. How she first thought of an accident due to drugs, but quickly realized the truth when sawing her daughter's blood pouring out of her wrist. Lily called to ger help, wondering how did she find herself in this nightmare, praying, crying, crying her heart out. The ambulance arrived just in time. As the doctor had said, 'five more minutes and it was over'. Over.

Now, they were sure Serena was safe and sound. She was going to recover and be helped. So why Dan still had tears streaming down his face ? Shouldn't he feel so much better, now ?

Serena opened her eyes. Dan instantly came and took her hand in his.  
**'Dan..'** she dryed his tears away. '**Dan, it's over now. I'm alright. I'll be alright'**  
**'I know right, I know..'** he closed his eyes for a second.

**'I'm so sorry Serena. It's all my fault. I shouldn't have told you those awful things. I feel so guilty, I hate myself more than..'** Tears filled his eyes again.

**'I'm the one needed to apologize Dan.'**  
**'For what ? For not willing to live your life without me in it ? You have nothing to be sorry for.'**  
'**Still I am. I had no right to hurt you all that way'**. And suddenly, she gave up trying to look strong, and bursted in tears. **'And you know the worst thing about this ? It's that I would to it all again. Strangely, commiting suicide doesn't make you feel better ****_at all. _****I WISH I WAS DEAD, DAN !'**

Dan grabbed her chin and look at her deeply in the eyes.** 'Don't you dare thinking that things would be better if you were dead. Think about me Serena. We may not be dating anymore, but you are a part of me. I will love you forever. Forever. If you had succeed at killing yourself, where do you think I'd be now ? Having dinner with my new girl ? I'd be laying on my room floor, under all the drugs you can imagine, trying to think it never happened. I' be 'aneanti'. I'd be half-alive. I'd be willing to be dead. You were my first love Serena.'**  
Serena rested her head on his shoulder.** 'I'll keep that in mind.'**  
**Dan stroked her hair. 'And imagining my world without you in it made me realise than I actually care about you way more than I thought. I'll be there for you, counting from today. I promise.'**  
**'I guess it's way better than a post-suicide commitment day looked like to me.' **she left out a giggle**. 'Thank you'**

The door opened and Lily walked in, followed by Eric.  
**'I'll let you with your family, okay ? I'll come and visit tomorrow, I promise.'**  
He kissed her forehead, said hi to Lily, shook hands with Eric, and left.

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_What do you thing about this chapter/fanfic? Good, bad ? Let me know :). I'll post the next chapter in the following days(maybe tomorow), have a good weekend xoxo_


	4. Chapter 3

_A/N : Hi everyone ! So chapter three is here :). Hope you'll like it !_

_Thanks for your reviews, I love reading them and you're being so nice ! I'm sorry this update isn't any longer :/._

_Anyway enjoy :)._

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**'DAN ! OH MY GOD STOOOPPP ! WE'RE GONNA CRASH INTO SOMETHING'**  
Serena was laughing out loud, Dan pushing her wheelchair throught the hall.  
**'Excuse me !'**  
A nurse was already walking towards them. Serena gave a half-reproachful half-amused look to Dan, who was trying to keep a serious face.  
**'Yes ?**' Dan asked.  
_**'**_**You're not allowed to do this. Having a wheelchair race or whatever in the hall.'**  
**'Oh really ? I didn't know. All my apologies.'**  
Serena left out a giggle, and the nurse gave her a bad look.  
'**I think this one doesn't like us very much, does she ?'** Dan told Serena, laughing. **'Let's go back to your room.'**

Serena had been staying in the hospital for six days already. The doctors were optimistic concerning her departure date, as she was getting so much better now Dan was around. He usually managed to come and visit in the morning then came back in the evening. Now he had gave up university he had free time but still needed to focus on his writing, and spending too much time with Serena wasn't probably such a good thing neither.

Serena lied on her bed, while Dan was laying on the sofa, as usual.  
**'By the way, you haven't told me about Blair in ages ! How is she ?'**  
Serena's smile faded a little when hearing the name but still answered.  
**'Hum, well we haven't talked so much lately, but she found Chuck, and, as far as I know, they are okay. I mean, they're back together. But you know, it's Chuck and Blair..'**  
**'I see. Did you tell her about, you know, you here...'**  
There was a little silence.  
**'No, don't wanna bother her. She's happy and I want it to stay that way.'**  
**'I'm sure she'd like to know it, if her bestfriend needs her.'**  
**'I don't know what we are anymore'**  
**'Come on Serena, even if you can't put a word on your relationship, Blair's always been one of the most important part of your life, right ?**  
**'That's true. But I still won't talk to her about me being here. But enough about me, tell me about you...you've been seeing any girls lately ?'**  
Dan couldn't help but burst out laughing.  
**'What, I'm just asking, nothing more...'**. Her cheeks going red were howerer saying the opposite.  
**'Really ? Well I'm the most single man ever. I like my freedom you know' he smiled. 'And I'm not actually looking for someone, I mean, things are good that way, right ? I can come and visit you, and everything.'**  
Serena smiled to herself** 'I guess...'.**

Dan checked his phone **'Oh I'm sorry, I totally forgot but I'm having dinner with my Dad tonight. We haven't seen each other so much lately. But I'll be back tomorrow.'**  
**'It's okay Dan. Don't worry about me. I'm alright.'**  
She smiled at him.** 'Well, if you say so. Bye lovely.'** he kissed her cheek then left.

*****  
The morning after, Dan took forever to get out of bed. He's been talking until 3 am with his dad, about everything. He got ready, while texting Nate, who had been his only guy friend lately.

Dan was ready to leave for the hospital, when his cellphone rang.  
**'Hullo ?'**  
**'Open the door'**  
**'Blair ?!'**  
She hang off.

This was really weird. Like really. Dan went and opened the door.  
**'HI!'**  
Blair kissed Dan on the lips then hug him. Dan pushed her back immediatly.  
'**Blair, what the hell are you doing ?'**  
**'Saying hello, obviously.' She seemed disappointed; she was probably expecting a warmer welcome.**  
**'Are you drunk ?'**  
**'Of course not !'**  
**'You are. Where's Chuck ? No really, Blair, I'm done playing. I don't know what's wrong with you, maybe you're drunk, I have no fucking idea, but just leave and come back when you're you.'**

And he shut the door at her. What the fuck was that. What was wrong with Blair, she was supposed to be with Chuck, wasn't she ? She chose Chuck over him. It was all over. Why was she coming back and messing with his feelings again ?

No, she wasn't. He couldn't let stupid things like that reach him. He wasn't a freaking toy, and neither were Chuck or Serena.

Serena. He remembered he was supposed to be visiting her. Hopefully Blair wasn't waiting outside the flat.  
Dan left the building without meeting any brunette girl, and spend the morning with Serena as usual. But even though he was there, he couldn't focus on the moment. He couldn't help but imagined what brought Blair to act that way this morning.  
He was fed up with girls. So fed up.

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_A/N : How was this? Next chapter in a few days :)._


	5. Chapter 4

_A/N : I'm so sorry I made you guys wait forever, but lack of time, inspiration, energy.. finally, here is chapter 4! Quite important one..Lots of drama as well!(Wrote it while having 'Ride' music video on replay :p). Hope you'll like it and leave reviews please :) ._

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Dan was having a terrible night. Nightmares, nightmares and nightmares. He decided to wake up, even though it was only 6 am. He needed to do something about it. Serena and Blair. Serena or Blair. Where has gone the time when he was the 'lonely boy', dreaming about Serena ? He tried and remind how he felt at this time of his life. The way he loved Serena. He wanted to be with her and that was it. She was all she had ever wanted. And when he get her, he was the happiest man in the world. It felt so good beeing together. Her blond hair on his shoulders when he was hugging her. The feeling of her lips on his. He would never let go of her. Their first night. This christmas. He would never forget this night. The best of his life, forever. When she told him she loved him. When she says him and her were forever. When did their relationship took that awful turn ?

Dan had tears on her cheeks. They were still streaming. He had made his decision. He grabbed a pair of jeans, her coat and left.  
The street was empty. Dan reached a cab and told the driver his destination. Manatthan. He was going to Manatthan. He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't even notice he was in Blair's building elevator. The door opened. He was welcomed by Dorota who was busy with cleaning the living room. 'Mr Humphrey ? What is wrong ? You're crying ?'

'Blair. I need to talk to her. It's important.'  
'I'll go and wake her up.'

Blair arrived a few minutes later, with messy hair and her pajamas on.  
'Dan.'

He took a deep breath.  
'I need to clarify it all. I've made my decision. And please Blair, respect it. I don't want you to be mine anymore. You choose Chuck. You made me feel like I wasn't worth it. You and him have this thing, and I cannot compare. So don't try and make me feel like there's still hope. I don't need you anymore. I don't need you. So stop and play with us all. I choosed you when I was the only one for Serena, and who was I for you, one of the guys you could possibly wanna be with ? I did wrong and I'm not gonna do it again. I'm done. You and I, Blair, it's over. Go and find Chuck, get married, have beautiful kids. I don't care. I deserve better than being the second best.'

He turned back but Blair kept him from leaving.

'HE CHEATED !' She was now crying. 'I've realised.. you love me better than he'll ever do. You'd never hurt me that way. Please Dan, I'm sorry, please'

'I'm sorry. But we're over'. He hugged her tight for a second. It took him all the strenght in the world to turn back and leave her with a broken heart. Nobody could ever made him change his mind. He thought of the blond hair. He had made the good decision.

Twenty minutes later, he was knocking at Serena's hospital room door. Nobody answer so he supposed that she was still sleeping. He went in. Her sleeping figure was the most precious thing ever. He closed the door.  
He sat on her bed and stroked her hair. 'Serena'. She slowly opened her eyes. 'Oh, hey you.' A worried look appeared on her face when she saw Dan's expression. 'You cried ?!'

'Please sat hun. I need to talk to you.'

Serena was getting more and more worried.

'Nothing to get anxious about, I promise. I-I've had much time to think last night. Blair visited me. And I've- I've ended up making my mind. I want us to- to have another..shot. I'm not ready to let you get away. I know I told you we were over and I destroyed you and you tried to kill yourself because of me. I hate myself for that. But I believe I shouldn't give up on us. I've realized what was right. And you and I, I know this is right.

Serena just sat there with her mouth wide open and looking at Dan's face. Then, she slowly approached him and cupped her jaw in her hands. 'Promise you'll never leave me again.' Dan was sure this time. It was her. So he answered 'I promise'. Serena smiled. She pressed her lips against his. She had missed this feeling so much. Dan felt her heart filling with happiness. He kissed her back, a gentle kiss. Serena deepened the kiss and, as their tongues were meeting, Dan felt her smiling. He'd never leave her.

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Oh so they're back togetheeer! Let me know what you think about this chapter/story :).


	6. Chapter 5

HEY GUYS ! It has been forever and I'm very sorry, but I just couldn't find the inspiration to keep up his story, it's so frustating. Hope you'll enjoy this chapter :).

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**November 2012**

'OH MY GOD, HOW COMES I'VE NEVER TRULY APPRECIATED HAVING WIND BLOWING IN MY FACE AND MESSING MY HAIR UP'

'Because you're an it girl, remember ?'

Dan caught her from behind, smiling. Serena had been out from the hopital for three days now, and she was getting so much better, mostly because her relationship with Dan was doing so great.

'Sorry about breaking the fun, but we're supposed to be having dinner with your mum tonight, remember ?'

'Supposed to, yep. How about we don't go, how about we take some holiday ?'

'We can...tomorrow. I'd really like to fly away with you right now, but Lily's gonna get worried and we don't want her too, right ?'

'Well then, tomorrow. But early in the morning, and we'll go somewhere sunny, alright ?'  
Dan smiled and nodded, then took her hand to help her getting up.

**_Lily's house_**

Dan, Serena, Lily and Eric were all sitting at Lily's table, eating and chatting happily.

_'_So, how was Central Park ?' Lily asked

'Oh, you know.. crowded, but still lovely. And it feels so good breathing some fresh air.'

'I bet it does ! Did you guys meet Blair ? I know how much she loves coming there !'

'Well, I and Blair aren't actually talking anymore. And she didn't even visited me at the hospital.. I don't even know if she knew I was there, see how much she cares.'

'Oh, honey..' Lily stroked Serena's hair softly 'God knows how many times you girls have argued, and how many times you've ended up being the best friends again, no matter how serious it was. You girls are linked and you can't do anything about it. You should probably meet and talk.'

Serena nodded, realising how much she missed Blair. No matter how good Dan and her were doing, he could never be her Blair. She decided to call her after dinner, even though it made her feel like she was begging for their friendship; but she was convinced that Blair wouldn't make the first move, so she had to.

'Hey hun, can I talk to you for a second ?' Dan had stopped Serena just before she was about to call Blair, after the dinner.

'Yeah sure, what's up ?'

'Well.. it's about Blair. I didn't feel the need to tell you before, but she came and tried to get back with me when you were at the hospital. But I rejected her. She told me that Chuck cheated on her. But anyway, you were the one that I wanted to be with, so I just told that we were over for good, and she hasn't called ever since.'

Serena face was full of mixed emotions

'So.. she hadn't give up on you, had she ? She really doesn't give a shit about my feelings. But fuck, Chuck cheated on her ?! Oh god, I can't even imagine how devastated she must feel. I need to be there for her, even if we hate each other. I... I'll just jump in a cab and go to hers. I'm sorry, but our little trip will have to wait.' She gave him a sad smile before grabbing her coat and walking towards the door. 'Could you tell Lily I had to leave and I'm sorry ?' 'Sure. You're gonna be okay ?' 'Yes, don't worry, it's alright'

_**Blair's**_

'Miss Serena ! Where have you been all this time ?'

Dorota was in the hall when Serena got out of the elevator.

'Hi Dorota. I'm looking for Blair.'

'Well, I'm afraid we all are..'

Serena's face went blank.

'Wha... what... what do you mean ?'

'She's left for Europe a month ago and has given no news ever since. Her mum and Cyrus have left to look for her, but you know... Europe's big.'

Serena took a minute to understand what Dorota had just said.

'I honestly thought you'd came sooner miss Serena. Blair's been in a bad place, really bad. She needed you.'

Serena wanted to say that so had she, and how could she have known, but she just stuttered 'I didn't know... I... I'm gonna...' and ran to the elevator.

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Soooo yep, chapter 5... how was this ? :)


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